I am a very opinionated person. I will be the first to admit that. It is very hard to bite my tongue when I see someone doing or promoting something I don't agree with, but I understand that that is their right, and diversity of beliefs is a good thing. We all have something we can learn from each other, even if it's simply perspective.
But when I see someone making choices based on outright bad information (or no real information at all, just "habit" or "hearsay"), I worry that they'll later learn the truth and regret their decisions. So, I offer them unbiased research featuring the pros and the cons of what they're considering, to help them make the best choice for them. If they decide to go ahead with their original choice, okay! That means they won't have regrets due to lack of information, and I can be at peace with that. I'm not doing it to change their minds, but rather to reassure both myself and them that they are truly making an informed choice. It isn't an informed choice if you don't know what your choices are, right?
So how is it that when I offer this research, I am perceived as being judgmental? Why is it a bad thing to make sure that the people I care about make their decisions based on real, solid facts? Should I not care? Should I sit back and allow them to "just do whatever they want," when I know that the reasons they've stated for choosing something aren't based on facts? Should it not bother me that someone I care about might later be devastated because they find the truth and regret their choices later in life?
Like I said, I'm not trying to talk them out of anything. I'm not trying to make them choose as I would. I just want them to have all the information in hand before they make any decisions. If the evidence I give them confirms that they were doing the right thing for them all along, then great! Helping friends/family feel assured in their choices is a wonderful thing! And if the evidence I give them makes them rethink things, and they change their minds, will they not be grateful that I spoke up and stopped them from making what would ultimately be a mistake?
There are a lot of things in my life that I wish someone had warned/told me about before I messed up. Yes, some things you just have to learn for yourself, but not all things. I wish someone had told me, before I went into labor, that I didn't have to lie flat on my back to labor and push if I didn't want to, because my first birth would have gone a lot differently had I known that. I wish someone had told me about upper lip ties and such making breastfeeding more painful, because then I might have succeeded in nursing my younger daughter. I wish someone would have taught me about ergonomic babywearing with my first, because the narrow-based carrier I had was so uncomfortable for both my daughter and myself that I stopped using it, and being able to wear her would have made my life so much easier. I could go on and on about all the hard lessons I've learned that I wholeheartedly wish someone had told be about beforehand.
So I ask you: if you saw someone you love/care for making bad decisions based on shaky logic/outdated evidence that you have solid proof is wrong, would you give it to them? Would you speak up for their sake (not yours) and give them all the facts, so that they can either be reassured and proceed, or change their minds, and be grateful to you either way? Would you be able to respect their choice if they decided to go ahead with their original plan? I'd like to think I can. I'm an advocate of informed choice, in all things. I won't list any hot-button issues here, because I don't want this to turn into a debate about anything specific, but I refuse to sit back and let someone make what might be a huge mistake, when my coming forward with facts (and the research to back them up) could make a difference, either way. It comes from a place of love and caring, not judgement and pushiness.
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