Almost There

Here I am, 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I've never gone past 38+6 before, so this is very new to me. In my head, I know that it's fine, and normal, and nothing to even blink at. And I'd be fine with it, honestly, if I hadn't been having signs for weeks that labor is imminent. (Here we enter the TMI section, fair warning.) Contractions, passing  mucus plug, my digestive system "purging" everything out forcibly at least once a day, usually more like twice, contractions, some small bits of bloody show, crazy nesting urges, more contractions, awful pelvic pain and pressure from a VERY open pelvis and a super-low baby's head, hormonal shifts and sudden-onset moodswings, sleep disturbances due to painful contractions and needing to pee every hour...you get the picture.

It's getting very frustrating, disheartening, and exhausting to go through every day with regular signs that this could be THE day, only to have that dashed EVERY TIME. Like I said, I've never been pregnant this long before, so even though I dealt with weeks of prodromal labor last time, it was all over much sooner (and honestly, a lot less painful). I'm having trouble just getting through daily life because it's so hard to walk through the pelvic pain and pressure, which wasn't the case in my last two pregnancies. Sure, I was uncomfortable, and in my last pregnancy I did have a lot of contractions, but my pelvis didn't feel like it had been cracked in two like it does this time.

So I've been pretty antsy and anxious for labor to start. Patience is wearing really thin. I've been grouchy and not a lot of fun to be around, I'm sure, and I'm beyond ready to have this baby and be done with pregnancy.

But you know what's never crossed my mind? Not even once?

Being induced.

And not just because I've been planning a home birth. No, I could always change my mind and ask my midwife to refer me to a doctor who would be more than happy to admit me and get this thing going. It's not about the home birth.

What it IS about is this: I haven't gone into labor yet because my baby isn't ready.

I would rather stay pregnant and miserable for weeks more, waiting for labor to start, and know that when it does it's because my baby is READY to be born, than force him out for my own convenience and risk him not being ready and needing medical assistance. It doesn't matter that my body has been showing signs of readiness for weeks; this is my third pregnancy, I know I dilate early, and my body knows what it's doing, so it doesn't surprise me that it's getting a jump on things. The point is that even with all of MY signs of readiness, my BABY isn't ready, or else labor would have started already.

My discomfort is temporary. It WILL end eventually, even if it doesn't seem like it now. And I am more than willing to put up with whatever I have to for the sake of my child. I will NOT risk him for the sake of "getting it over with" for me. He's perfectly healthy in there, and in spite of how I'm feeling, I know I am too. There is no medical need to rush him out. So I won't. My comfort is less important to me than my son's well-being. He'll get this thing going when he's good and ready, and not a minute before. And that's okay.