Beliefs, Agendas, and Tolerance: Modern-Day FUN!

I've been thinking about this post for a long time. I never knew quite where to start while formulating it in my mind, and I finally decided to just sit down and write it as it came into my head. This is something very serious, very hotly debated, and very clear-cut in my eyes.

Gay/Homosexual Rights.

To start, I am a Christian. I believe that marrige should be between a man and a woman, that they are bound by God for life and beyond, and that the legal part of the process (marriage certificate, etc.) is really just a formality, because a piece of paper isn't what makes a marriage; God, the man, and the woman do that. Those are my beliefs, and I choose to abide by them. Anyone else claiming to be a Christian and to follow those same ideals, I hold to those standards.

My religious beliefs also say that homosexuality is unnatural and a sin, and those who engage in it are damned. No one is beyond saving, however, and a true Christian should love all sinners, and treat them with the same loving kindness as Jesus did. There is no better way to lead someone to the love of God, and to salvation, than by loving them unconditionally and refraining from harsh judgements. No sin is greater than any other, and even the most perfect Christian is not without sin, so who are we to judge, anyway?

For these main reasons, I do not support gay marriage. I don't believe in it because of my religious views, so therefore I will not lend my support to the cause.

But hang on a second......how are they defining "marriage?"

Are they using the Christian model?

That's where things get interesting. And really, really clear.

The majority of homosexuals are not Christians, and their definition of marriage is a civil union. It is a joining of their households, a joint filing of taxes, etc. It has nothing to do with God whatsoever. In short, it's a piece of paper. A piece of paper that I already said holds little to no meaning to me, beyond the necessity of acquiring one for my marriage to be legally recognized. Their goal is to remove gender from the equation entirely, and to be treated as two legal, consenting adults entering into (what boils down to) a contract.

That raises a very basic question: do men and women have equal rights in America? A man and a woman pay the same taxes, can hold the same jobs, can both vote, and are treated with little to no distinction legally.

Essentially, the answer is yes.

So, if two adults, regardless of their gender, want to enter into a legal contract together, why should that be a problem for me? They're not infringing on my rights, they're not violating my beliefs or my religion, and they're certainly not trying to offend anyone. Sure, I don't want to see a homosexual couple making out in public, but I really wouldn't want to see a heterosexual couple doing that, either. So long as they're respectful of my beliefs, I see no reason not to be respectful of theirs.

For those reasons, I am not against gay marriage. By this legal definition, which has nothing to do with my religious views, I don't have a problem with it, or any right to say anything against something that doesn't affect me. I cannot in good conscience vote for it, but I will never vote against it, if it comes to that.

Now, let me go back to religion. The only reason I would object to gay marriage would be if they claimed to be Christian, and wanted to be married in my church, by my God. That, I have a problem with, because the Bible quite clearly states that homosexuality is not permitted. That, I feel, is in direct violation of my faith, and I find it offensive. I wold never kick a homosexual couple out of my church if they were truly seeking the light and truth, but if they came to me asking for me to acknowledge their marriage as godly, I would not do it. I would still be kind, I would not shun them, and I certainly wouldn't be rude or hateful to them in any way, but if they came into my territory and asked for my acceptance, I would be completely open and honest with them.

Let me be perfectly clear. I would rather explain to my children why their friend _____ has two homosexual mommies/daddies who love each other, than explain to them why their friend ______'s heterosexual mommy is always covered in bruises from his/her abusive daddy. I'd rather explain homosexuality than divorce. I'd rather talk to my children about the sin of misguided love than the sin of murder, or rape. I would rather sit in church surrounded by good, sincere gay people who are respectful of my beliefs than insincere heterosexual people who only come to church as a formality. I have gay and bisexual friends, whom I love with all my heart, and they know how I feel, and we still manage to be friends in spite of our differences. That is how it should be.

I have been taught to forgive any and all sins, whether the sinner asks for it or not. I have been taught to love my neighbor, my friend, and my enemy alike. I have been taught that "he who is without sin shall throw the first stone," and since no one is without sin, no stones should be thrown at all.

No, I don't support gay marriage in a religious sense, but I certainly don't see any reason to object to it in the secular sense. They are two completely different things. I don't "support" it, but I'll be damned rather than become guilty of the sin of hate. Somehow, I think the love and acceptance shown by those of this mindset will bring us closer to God, and we might even bring a few others along with us because of it =)

Forgive and Forget

Forgiveness is one of the most wonderful gifts to receive, but yet one of the most difficult to give. In the event of an argument, the "offender" can nearly always be heard to say something along the lines of, "Can you ever forgive me?" Children who fight tend to say things like," I'll never forgive them!" When someone truly hurts you, you wonder if you'll ever be able to look at that person again without recalling the pain they caused you. Real forgiveness, without grudges, is much sought-after.

Then we have those who say, "Don't worry about it! Forgive and forget! It'll be like it never happened." I see a real problem with this line of thought: if you forget the issue, you'll never learn from it. The one who made the mistake needs to suffer the consequences of their actions in order to avoid repeating it, and the one who was hurt should deal with their pain, rather than pushing it aside for the sake of ending an argument (or any other reason).

If you forget something ever happened, you forget the mistakes you made, and you're therefore more likely to make them again. How can you learn if you forget? Both parties should remember what happened, however unpleasant, because then they'll also remember the steps they took to heal afterwards. Without conflict and reconciliation, there is no growth. Arguing and solving the problem brings people closer, because of what they've gone through together.

So forgive freely (and hold no grudges), but never forget.

Low-Maintainence, or Just Lazy?

I consider myself to be a no-fuss kind of girl when it comes to my looks. I don't wear a lot of -if any- makeup, I tend to wear my glasses rather than my contacts, my hair is usually in a ponytail, my nails are pretty short and (due to my job) usually coffee stained, and my most common outfit is jeans and a tshirt of some kind. What's funny is that I've been this way for about 6 years. I've had this mentality since before was married, and long before I became a mom, so I know that that's not really a factor. Don't get me wrong, I like to get dressed up and wear heels and makeup and nail polish and all that, I just don't see the point of putting so much effort into it every morning, when I could be getting an extra 30-45 minutes of sleep instead.

Lately though, I've been looking at recent pictures of myself and wondering, "What will my kids think when they see these? Will they think I was dowdy, or just practical? Will they call me lazy, or will they appreciate that I was focused on more important things than my looks?" It's been nagging at the back of my mind a lot. I suppose what's really bothering me is that I don't want to appear lazy. I want to look as happy as I feel, and I recognize that clothes have a lot to do with that, as do hairstyles and the like. I don't want to "let myself go" just because I'm a mom, but I don't want to err in the opposite direction and become too absorbed in my outward appearance. I want to take good care of myself, and I want to feel as good about the outside I'm presenting to the world as I do about what's inside. I want my daughter to grow up wanting to emulate me, and I want the "me" she tries to emulate to be worthy of her admiration. I don't want her to obsess over her looks, but I want her to learn good habits and a healthy dose of self-respect, and the best way for me to teach her is through my example.

So, to kick-start my image-revamp, I recently got my hair professionally colored for the first time, and I let my stylist cut it in the style she thought best suited me and my lifestyle, too. I've been slowly buying clothes that fit and flatter my post-baby body, and I'm making healthy diet and exercise changes too, so I'll feel better about my figure. I was blessed with good enough skin that I still don't feel the need to wear a lot of makeup, but I'm going to make an effort to take good care of that skin so that it ages well.

I'm not going to get all dressed up to run to the grocery store, and you won't be seeing me in heels when I take my toddler to the park, but when you look at me now you'll see a young woman who is confident enough in her own skin that she doesn't feel the need to cover it up. You'll see a woman who knows how to dress her body, but isn't extravagant or obsessive. You're going to see one hot mama ;-)

And You Know This How?

As a mother, I find it extremely annoying when people who do not have children give parenting advice, and in my experience, I've found that most other parents feel the same way. I think it's rude, and presumptuous, and generally ill-advised, and yet it comes from a well-meaning place in the heart of the giver.

I did plenty of baby-sitting as a teenager, I was a children's dance teacher from age 15, and my only brother was born when I was 9 (in some ways I was like a third parent to him), so I considered myself well-versed in childcare before I became a mom. Oh my, how very wrong I was. I was used to taking care of other peoples' children, but when it comes to my own it's completely different territory. Not only are all children different, and therefore what works for one child may not work for another, but there's also the fact that nothing can prepare you for the responsibility of molding the little life that has been put entirely into your care.

I definitely regret some of the "advice" I gave before I had my little one. I've only had 14 1/2 months' worth of parenting experience, but I've learned enough to know that if you haven't "been there, done that," your advice is all but worthless. I would never offer advice to the parent of a child older than mine, because as good as my intentions might be, it wouldn't carry any weight. It's all well and good to say things like, "hang in there," or, "you can do it," etc., but that's really as far as any non-parent should take it.

If you've never been pregnant, you can't know how it feels, and you certainly can't understand the mental and physical state of the mother. If you've never given birth, you can't pass judgement on a woman who chooses to/not to have an epidural/c-section/natural birth, etc, because you never know what you might do under similar circumstances. And if you are not a parent (adoptive or biological), you cannot know what it is like, and you can not give advice or judge, because you have no perspective or basis for judgement. It's like having someone who has never touched a drop of alcohol as an AA mentor; if you haven't experienced it, there's really no way you can understand it. So please, keep your opinions to yourself until you have something concrete - like a toddler of your own - to base them on. Find another way of offering your mental and emotional support, and the parents in your life will greatly appreciate it.

"Those That Cannot Do.......

.............Teach."

When I tell people that I am certified to teach dance, that is how they tend to respond. Perhaps there is some merit in this sentiment. Many young people go to college to study what they enjoy most, only to find out that the only (attainable) application for their degree is to teach that subject, at some level or other. It's sad, but unfortunately true.

I accepted a long time ago that I don't have the talent to be a professional dancer, but that isn't why I got my teaching certificate. I did it because I wanted to. My fondest dream is to one day open a dance studio of my own, and teach dance until I'm old and feeble. If given the ability to choose my dream job, I would always choose to teach dance. I love teaching. Excepting marriage and motherhood, it's the most rewarding and fulfilling thing I have ever done.

Yes, it's true that some people fall back on teaching when they can't find their dream job within their field of choice, but some of us choose to teach, and it's unfair for us to be included in such a trite saying. Where would our world be without teachers? Are we not important? Should our position not demand respect? Whatever our reason for teaching, we are still in a necessary and difficult profession, and not everyone has what it takes to be a teacher.

Perhaps some of those that become teachers do so because they didn't have the raw talent to excel in their field in their own right, but their passion for and knowledge of the subject make them perfect teachers. The fact that I'm not a spectacular pointe dancer myself doesn't mean that I don't know what it takes to become one, or that I lack the ability to help another dancer to reach her full potential, even if it exceeds mine.

In short, the inability to "do" does not immediately qualify someone to teach. It requires a lot more than a lack of talent. I would challenge anyone who says, "those that cannot do, teach," to spend a day in the shoes of the teacher of their choice. They'll find out quickly that teaching is "do"-ing ;-)