Coffee Shop Etiquette

Contrary to the belief of many coffee shop patrons around the world, a barista is not an automated coffee machine. We (I work as a barista at a drive-through only coffee stand) are real people, with real feelings, and real bills to pay. We deserve respect and common courtesy just as much as anyone, and perhaps more: we make your coffee! So, I have a few friendly tips for those who frequent their favorite coffee joint, and some for my fellow baristas, as well.

To all coffee-shop-goers:

1. Tip. Seriously. Even if you've only got a quarter (or dime, or nickel) on you, it makes a difference to us. You'd be surprised at how quickly tips can add up, if everyone just drops in what they can. If you have the money to buy a $3-$5 cup of coffee, you can afford to leave a tip. Good baristas are well-trained, and very good at what we do, and it's just plain polite to show your appreciation, especially if you're a regular customer whose drink I have memorized. I won't give you poor service if you don't tip, but I'll go above and beyond the call of duty if you do.
2. Be polite when you address me. Say "please," and "thank you," and "hello," etc. Let me greet you when you arrive, before you order. And when you do order, don't say "give me a," or "I'll take a," or anything like that. Try asking nicely, please.
3. Get off your cell phone! I'm sorry, but I (and others) find it incredibly rude. At least show enough respect to put down the phone, say hello, and give your order before resuming your conversation. Better yet, hang up before you even get to my window. Don't leave your window rolled up and hold up a finger to me to tell me to wait a minute so you can finish your conversation. If you are at my place of business, give me your business. Yes, I'm there to wait on you, but don't make me wait for you. Park, finish your phone call, and then come to my window. I'll be understanding if you're in a really big hurry, and/or your phone conversation is extremely important, but you can at least meet my eyes and take the time to say thank you to make up for it.
4. If you don't know what you're talking about when it comes to coffee, don't pretend you do. Ordering a "double skinny nonfat chocolate mocha with extra 'expresso'" just makes you seem ignorant, rather than making you look cool (or as if you know anything about coffee). For one thing, a "mocha" is espresso, steamed milk, and chocolate syrup. There's no need to include the word "chocolate" when ordering, because it's redundant. "Skinny" and "nonfat" are the same thing. And as for "double?" Double what? Most people mean a double shot of espresso when they're ordering, but they need to make sure the shop they're ordering from doesn't already use a double shot in their drink before they order something doubled.; they might end up with 4 shots, when they only wanted 2! It's better to ask questions and learn what it is you really want than to pretend to be knowledgeable and make yourself seem silly, and/or end up with a completely different drink than you intended to order.
5. Don't condescend to me. Just because you're a doctor/nurse/professor/businessman/whatever, and I work in a little coffee shop, doesn't make you better than me. I'm a grown woman, a wife and mother, I have a college degree, a specialized teaching certificate in my area of expertise, and years of experience making the coffee that you so crave every morning. I'd like to see you make a latte, or whatever drink you get, half as well as I (or any other trained barista) can. Just show some respect, please.
6. Know what it is you get every day. Just because the "other girl/guy" knows exactly what you get, doesn't mean I do. I guarantee I'll learn it by heart too after a few days, but you have to be able to tell me what it is first. I know it's nice being able to just walk in, or pull up to the drive-through, and not have to order, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't/can't learn the name of your drink. There's no guarantee that your favorite barista will be working every time you come in. Besides, it kind of makes you look dumb if you can't even describe your coffee, when you drink the same thing every day. Do yourself a favor and learn your drink.
7. If you don't know how to pronounce something, ask me. Really, it doesn't make you look stupid; not everyone can read/pronounce the Italian (which is the language of "fancy coffee"). What does make you look stupid is when you call a macchiato (mah-kee-ah-toh; It. mahk-kyah-taw) a "mah-chee-ah-to" or "mah-kee-ah-tee," etc. Or saying "expresso" instead of "espresso." Notice, there's no "X" in the word espresso, so please don't pronounce it as if there is. Also, breve is prounounced "breh-vay," not "brah-vay," or "breeve." Those are just a couple of examples of common mispronunciations. If you aren't sure how to say it, ask me. I won't laugh at you, I promise. And if I ever correct you (discreetly) by saying the name of your drink properly when I hand it to you, learn from it, and say it the way I did from then on. I can guarantee you that I'm right and you were wrong, not the other way around.
8. If you must come to the shop right before closing (whether it be 5 or 15 minutes), don't take forever to order, don't sit there and chat with me after I've finished waiting on you, and for heaven's sake, don't order more than a few drinks unless you absolutely have to! I have no problem waiting on you if you're considerate, but when you notice the time, comment that I'll be closing in just a couple of minutes, and then proceed to order 5 or 6 different drinks that will take me more than those couple of minutes to make, at least have the decency to tip me well. I have a life outside of work, and once business hours are over, I'd like to finish my closing work and go home to that life. I'm sure you'd feel the same way in my position.
9. Respect opening/closing times. If the sign says that the shop doesn't open till 7, then it doesn't open till 7. If I choose to open a little early because I got everything ready early, that's my choice. But you cannot demand it of me. I have no obligation to open any earlier than the sign says, and I certainly won't be willing to make exceptions for you if you think you're entitled to it. Also, respect closing time. If the sign says I close at 6, and you pull up at 6:01, don't bang on the windows and demand to be served. We use our cell phones to determine time, because cell phones generally all agree on the same time. I don't care if the clock in your car says it's 5:59. My cell phone now says 6:02, and the business's policy is to go by cell phones. If waiting on a customer takes me a few minutes past closing time, and you pull up into the drive-through behind them and expect to be waited on, even though you arrived after the business was supposed to be closed, please don't expect me to wait on you. If you're nice, I might be willing to do it. But when I tell you that I was supposed to have closed 5 minutes ago, but the previous customer stayed past that time, please take that as a kind hint and respect the business's hours by leaving. Promptly. And come back earlier another day, when I will happily wait on you.
10. If you ordered your drink sugarfree, or skinny, or decaf, then that is how I made it. There's no need to remind me partway through making it, or to ask me if I did when I give it to you. I promise you, I made it exactly how you ordered it, no matter how busy I was at the time. No, I didn't get your drink mixed up with someone else's. If I get even the tiniest bit unsure which drink was which, I will remake it to be certain you're getting what you want. Don't question me. I know what I'm doing.
11. Please, please, please don't lay your money on the counter while I make your drink. It's a window; your money will most likey blow around, and I'll have to chase it down. Don't hand it to me all crumpled or folded, either. That's just rude. I go to the trouble to bankface the bills for you, in numerical order, and I hand you your coins first so that they don't slip off the bills. It would be nice if you showed me the same courtesy.
12. A gas station "cappucino" is nothing like a real cappucino. I mean it. A traditional  cappucino is 1/3 espresso, 1/3 steamed milk, and 1/3 foamed milk. I can't even begin to tell you what's in that thing you get from the push-button machine at your local Qwik Mart. Whatever it is, it's not a cappucino. Or a latte. It's probably not even real coffee. If you want a gas-station-cappucino, go to the gas station. And I cannot make a "hot frappe" or a "cold cappucino." If you don't know what you're talking about, just read the menu. It explains everything.
13. Don't complain to me about the price of your coffee. I am not the owner of the business, therefore I have no say over the prices. I can't do a thing about it. And frankly, neither can the business owners! Do you have any idea how much coffee beans cost these days? Let me tell you, it's exorbitant. But coffee isn't the only factor when it comes to determining prices, you know. You have to calculate uin the cost of all the supplies, the cost of running the business, paying the employees, and a million other things. And that's not to mention needing to make a profit, on top of all that! If you think it's too pricey, don't buy it. End of discussion.
14. And last, but not least, my biggest pet peeve: if you aren't at Starbucks, don't order as if you are! Our sizes, are small,, medium, and large, not tall, grande, and venti. It says so on our menu. Frappucinos are trademarked by Starbucks; we don't have them. Our frozen coffees are called Coffee Coolers, and our recipe is nothing like Starbucks.' Our chai tea lattes aren't made with water, so there's no need to order your chai "without water." We automatically put 2 shots of espresso in out medium-size drinks, so there's no need to order a double. I could take a lot more time to list the differences between Starbucks and most other coffee places, but I won't. My message is simply this: order from our menu when you're at our coffee shop, and order from Starbucks' menu when you're at Starbucks.

Okay, that concludes my rant on the most common coffee-customer faux pas! Now, on to my advice for baristas:

1. Get to know your regular customers, and learn their drinks as quickly as you can. They will appreciate it immensely, and your tips will reflect that appreciation.
2. Be prepared to explain the difference between a cappucino and a latte, what an americano is, what "foam" is, why you can't just pour a hot latte over ice to make it cold, and all such manner of things. Often. With a smile on your face, and kindness and understanding in your manner. Most people have absolutely no clue about real coffee, and making them feel stupid for asking will just hurt your business, and your tips. Be nice to them, make them feel knowledgeable by giving them all the information you can, and do it without making them feel like it's a chore for you, or as though they should have already known the answer.
3. Never, under any circumstances, assume that a customer intends to tip, even if they "usually do.' Always make change, and give it to them, unless they clearly say, "keep the change." Even then, double-check by offering it to them before you toss it in the tip jar. The one time you don't will be the one time you misheard them, and you could lose a lot of business that way.
4. No matter how busy you are, don't send out a drink with less-than-satisfactory shots, or milk that might have been scalded/curdled, or that might be regular when it was supposed to be decaf, etc. It may take a little longer to get the drinks to the customers, but they won't mind having to wait when you hand them the perfect cup of coffee every time.
5. Don't talk your customers' ears off, but don't ignore them either. Find a good balance, tailored to the preferences of each customer. If you can tell they're not the talk-y type, shut your mouth and make their coffee. If they just love to chat, keep a good conversation going. You can't treat each customer the same way, so alter your service-style to each induvidual. They'll appreciate it.
6. And most important of all: smile! Be friendly and cheerful! You work in a coffee shop: you don't have any excuse to be anything but perky!

Thus concludes my rant on coffee shop etiquette, for customers and baristas alike. Enjoy!