Watching Tangled

My daughter loves Tangled.

She has the movie, the soundtrack, 3 pairs of pajamas, at least one shirt, a blanket, a play-tent, 2 cups, a plate, a bowl, and 2 dolls. I think that's all, but I could be wrong, because she really loves Tangled.

If she is ever fussy and I reach the end of my rope, all I have to do is turn on the movie, and she transforms into a blithe singing-and-dancing machine.

My mini-van has a dvd player, and if I know I have a lot of errands to run (or just a long drive ahead of me), I double-check to be certain that I have the dvd in my bag.

I know all of the songs by heart, and can sing them on demand at a second's notice.

I think this might count as an obsession on her part, but if it occupies her and helps me to keeps my sanity when I need to do housework, I don't think I mind. I mean, she'll grow out of it, because kids go through phases, right? Just because she showed such an early preference for one movie/charater, doesn't mean it will last forever, right? Right?

Have I mentioned that she's not quite 14 months old, and Tangled has been her "miracle cure" since she was 5 months old?

I'm screwed. ;-)

Coffee Shop Etiquette

Contrary to the belief of many coffee shop patrons around the world, a barista is not an automated coffee machine. We (I work as a barista at a drive-through only coffee stand) are real people, with real feelings, and real bills to pay. We deserve respect and common courtesy just as much as anyone, and perhaps more: we make your coffee! So, I have a few friendly tips for those who frequent their favorite coffee joint, and some for my fellow baristas, as well.

To all coffee-shop-goers:

1. Tip. Seriously. Even if you've only got a quarter (or dime, or nickel) on you, it makes a difference to us. You'd be surprised at how quickly tips can add up, if everyone just drops in what they can. If you have the money to buy a $3-$5 cup of coffee, you can afford to leave a tip. Good baristas are well-trained, and very good at what we do, and it's just plain polite to show your appreciation, especially if you're a regular customer whose drink I have memorized. I won't give you poor service if you don't tip, but I'll go above and beyond the call of duty if you do.
2. Be polite when you address me. Say "please," and "thank you," and "hello," etc. Let me greet you when you arrive, before you order. And when you do order, don't say "give me a," or "I'll take a," or anything like that. Try asking nicely, please.
3. Get off your cell phone! I'm sorry, but I (and others) find it incredibly rude. At least show enough respect to put down the phone, say hello, and give your order before resuming your conversation. Better yet, hang up before you even get to my window. Don't leave your window rolled up and hold up a finger to me to tell me to wait a minute so you can finish your conversation. If you are at my place of business, give me your business. Yes, I'm there to wait on you, but don't make me wait for you. Park, finish your phone call, and then come to my window. I'll be understanding if you're in a really big hurry, and/or your phone conversation is extremely important, but you can at least meet my eyes and take the time to say thank you to make up for it.
4. If you don't know what you're talking about when it comes to coffee, don't pretend you do. Ordering a "double skinny nonfat chocolate mocha with extra 'expresso'" just makes you seem ignorant, rather than making you look cool (or as if you know anything about coffee). For one thing, a "mocha" is espresso, steamed milk, and chocolate syrup. There's no need to include the word "chocolate" when ordering, because it's redundant. "Skinny" and "nonfat" are the same thing. And as for "double?" Double what? Most people mean a double shot of espresso when they're ordering, but they need to make sure the shop they're ordering from doesn't already use a double shot in their drink before they order something doubled.; they might end up with 4 shots, when they only wanted 2! It's better to ask questions and learn what it is you really want than to pretend to be knowledgeable and make yourself seem silly, and/or end up with a completely different drink than you intended to order.
5. Don't condescend to me. Just because you're a doctor/nurse/professor/businessman/whatever, and I work in a little coffee shop, doesn't make you better than me. I'm a grown woman, a wife and mother, I have a college degree, a specialized teaching certificate in my area of expertise, and years of experience making the coffee that you so crave every morning. I'd like to see you make a latte, or whatever drink you get, half as well as I (or any other trained barista) can. Just show some respect, please.
6. Know what it is you get every day. Just because the "other girl/guy" knows exactly what you get, doesn't mean I do. I guarantee I'll learn it by heart too after a few days, but you have to be able to tell me what it is first. I know it's nice being able to just walk in, or pull up to the drive-through, and not have to order, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't/can't learn the name of your drink. There's no guarantee that your favorite barista will be working every time you come in. Besides, it kind of makes you look dumb if you can't even describe your coffee, when you drink the same thing every day. Do yourself a favor and learn your drink.
7. If you don't know how to pronounce something, ask me. Really, it doesn't make you look stupid; not everyone can read/pronounce the Italian (which is the language of "fancy coffee"). What does make you look stupid is when you call a macchiato (mah-kee-ah-toh; It. mahk-kyah-taw) a "mah-chee-ah-to" or "mah-kee-ah-tee," etc. Or saying "expresso" instead of "espresso." Notice, there's no "X" in the word espresso, so please don't pronounce it as if there is. Also, breve is prounounced "breh-vay," not "brah-vay," or "breeve." Those are just a couple of examples of common mispronunciations. If you aren't sure how to say it, ask me. I won't laugh at you, I promise. And if I ever correct you (discreetly) by saying the name of your drink properly when I hand it to you, learn from it, and say it the way I did from then on. I can guarantee you that I'm right and you were wrong, not the other way around.
8. If you must come to the shop right before closing (whether it be 5 or 15 minutes), don't take forever to order, don't sit there and chat with me after I've finished waiting on you, and for heaven's sake, don't order more than a few drinks unless you absolutely have to! I have no problem waiting on you if you're considerate, but when you notice the time, comment that I'll be closing in just a couple of minutes, and then proceed to order 5 or 6 different drinks that will take me more than those couple of minutes to make, at least have the decency to tip me well. I have a life outside of work, and once business hours are over, I'd like to finish my closing work and go home to that life. I'm sure you'd feel the same way in my position.
9. Respect opening/closing times. If the sign says that the shop doesn't open till 7, then it doesn't open till 7. If I choose to open a little early because I got everything ready early, that's my choice. But you cannot demand it of me. I have no obligation to open any earlier than the sign says, and I certainly won't be willing to make exceptions for you if you think you're entitled to it. Also, respect closing time. If the sign says I close at 6, and you pull up at 6:01, don't bang on the windows and demand to be served. We use our cell phones to determine time, because cell phones generally all agree on the same time. I don't care if the clock in your car says it's 5:59. My cell phone now says 6:02, and the business's policy is to go by cell phones. If waiting on a customer takes me a few minutes past closing time, and you pull up into the drive-through behind them and expect to be waited on, even though you arrived after the business was supposed to be closed, please don't expect me to wait on you. If you're nice, I might be willing to do it. But when I tell you that I was supposed to have closed 5 minutes ago, but the previous customer stayed past that time, please take that as a kind hint and respect the business's hours by leaving. Promptly. And come back earlier another day, when I will happily wait on you.
10. If you ordered your drink sugarfree, or skinny, or decaf, then that is how I made it. There's no need to remind me partway through making it, or to ask me if I did when I give it to you. I promise you, I made it exactly how you ordered it, no matter how busy I was at the time. No, I didn't get your drink mixed up with someone else's. If I get even the tiniest bit unsure which drink was which, I will remake it to be certain you're getting what you want. Don't question me. I know what I'm doing.
11. Please, please, please don't lay your money on the counter while I make your drink. It's a window; your money will most likey blow around, and I'll have to chase it down. Don't hand it to me all crumpled or folded, either. That's just rude. I go to the trouble to bankface the bills for you, in numerical order, and I hand you your coins first so that they don't slip off the bills. It would be nice if you showed me the same courtesy.
12. A gas station "cappucino" is nothing like a real cappucino. I mean it. A traditional  cappucino is 1/3 espresso, 1/3 steamed milk, and 1/3 foamed milk. I can't even begin to tell you what's in that thing you get from the push-button machine at your local Qwik Mart. Whatever it is, it's not a cappucino. Or a latte. It's probably not even real coffee. If you want a gas-station-cappucino, go to the gas station. And I cannot make a "hot frappe" or a "cold cappucino." If you don't know what you're talking about, just read the menu. It explains everything.
13. Don't complain to me about the price of your coffee. I am not the owner of the business, therefore I have no say over the prices. I can't do a thing about it. And frankly, neither can the business owners! Do you have any idea how much coffee beans cost these days? Let me tell you, it's exorbitant. But coffee isn't the only factor when it comes to determining prices, you know. You have to calculate uin the cost of all the supplies, the cost of running the business, paying the employees, and a million other things. And that's not to mention needing to make a profit, on top of all that! If you think it's too pricey, don't buy it. End of discussion.
14. And last, but not least, my biggest pet peeve: if you aren't at Starbucks, don't order as if you are! Our sizes, are small,, medium, and large, not tall, grande, and venti. It says so on our menu. Frappucinos are trademarked by Starbucks; we don't have them. Our frozen coffees are called Coffee Coolers, and our recipe is nothing like Starbucks.' Our chai tea lattes aren't made with water, so there's no need to order your chai "without water." We automatically put 2 shots of espresso in out medium-size drinks, so there's no need to order a double. I could take a lot more time to list the differences between Starbucks and most other coffee places, but I won't. My message is simply this: order from our menu when you're at our coffee shop, and order from Starbucks' menu when you're at Starbucks.

Okay, that concludes my rant on the most common coffee-customer faux pas! Now, on to my advice for baristas:

1. Get to know your regular customers, and learn their drinks as quickly as you can. They will appreciate it immensely, and your tips will reflect that appreciation.
2. Be prepared to explain the difference between a cappucino and a latte, what an americano is, what "foam" is, why you can't just pour a hot latte over ice to make it cold, and all such manner of things. Often. With a smile on your face, and kindness and understanding in your manner. Most people have absolutely no clue about real coffee, and making them feel stupid for asking will just hurt your business, and your tips. Be nice to them, make them feel knowledgeable by giving them all the information you can, and do it without making them feel like it's a chore for you, or as though they should have already known the answer.
3. Never, under any circumstances, assume that a customer intends to tip, even if they "usually do.' Always make change, and give it to them, unless they clearly say, "keep the change." Even then, double-check by offering it to them before you toss it in the tip jar. The one time you don't will be the one time you misheard them, and you could lose a lot of business that way.
4. No matter how busy you are, don't send out a drink with less-than-satisfactory shots, or milk that might have been scalded/curdled, or that might be regular when it was supposed to be decaf, etc. It may take a little longer to get the drinks to the customers, but they won't mind having to wait when you hand them the perfect cup of coffee every time.
5. Don't talk your customers' ears off, but don't ignore them either. Find a good balance, tailored to the preferences of each customer. If you can tell they're not the talk-y type, shut your mouth and make their coffee. If they just love to chat, keep a good conversation going. You can't treat each customer the same way, so alter your service-style to each induvidual. They'll appreciate it.
6. And most important of all: smile! Be friendly and cheerful! You work in a coffee shop: you don't have any excuse to be anything but perky!

Thus concludes my rant on coffee shop etiquette, for customers and baristas alike. Enjoy!

Yes, Ma'am

There is something wrong with our society. I noticed it some time ago, but it's really coming to my attention more and more now that I am considering the things that are most important (in my eyes) to pass on to my daughter. It's not the (negative) impact we're having on the environment, or the corruption in our governments, or the *ahem* issues with our systems of education. All of these issues are important, and need to be addressed, by people much smarter than me, but my child-rearing isn't much influenced by them, beyond simple common sense.

The real issue that has been bothering me is the deterioration of common courtesy I've observed among humankind. It's out of the norm these days for a young man to hold open a door for an elderly lady, or for a gentleman to offer his arm to a lady and safely escort her home, etc. Because of this lack of respect people hold for one another, we've had to all but do away with the idea of "innocent until proven guilty," because the majority of our race is only out for #1: themselves. It's really sad when it makes a war veteran's day when I ask to shake his hand so that I can thank him for his service to our country, or when it lights up a little old lady's face when my husband holds a door open for her, or when an employer is surprised and gratified when an employee goes above and beyond the call of duty. It's sad because acts like these have become so few and far between, and the people who think nothing of it are growing increasingly rare.

What happened to the morals, and respect for your fellow man, that my parents ingrained in me? What happened to chivalry? Ladies and gentlemen behaving as such? Kids who call their friends' parents Mr. and Mrs.? Why do we have to "grow up" and enter the "real world" before we start putting others before ourselves?

I fully intend to teach my daughter (and any more children I have) everything that I was taught about courtesy and respect and putting others first. Will she/they be even more out of the ordinary among her/their peers? Will she be teased for being nice, like I was from time to time? Or will things perhaps turn around by the time she's old enough to be active in social situations?

My hope is that, in her lifetime, we'll experience a turnaround. Maybe parents will wise up, and realize that a little discipline, though tough at the time, is worth it in the end. And leading by example is by far the best way to teach. I learned so much from simply watching my parents, and I hope to do the same with my children. I hope that this selfishness I've noticed in our society can be cured, and I intend to do my part to make sure that happens. 'Cause my mama raised me right. ;-)

Friendship

"That's what friends are for!"




This is a phrase one hears all the time, from people of all walks of life. But what does it really mean? Deos everyone have the same definition in mind? Who defined the term "friend" in the first place? Whose definition are we meant to go by when there's a disagreement? Everyone seems to have a very personalized view of what makes a true friend, and this can cause serious issues when problems arise within a friendship. Perhaps we should all lay ground rules when beginning a friendship, or create a "friends' pre-nup" of sorts. But before we can do this, we have to form our own personal definition of what we think constitutes true friendship.



Over the course of my life, I've had a lot of close friends, not-so-close friends, aquaintences, and romances. I've known a lot of very, very different people. And almost all of them have their own ideas about what a "real friend" should and shouldn't do. I've had a lot of fights with friends about this, both as a child and an adult. Some said I was too clingy, others that I wasn't clingy enough, and so on and so forth. At first I thought that this meant I couldn't be friends with these people, because we were just too different. But over time, I came to discover that that's not true at all. It's our differences that bring us together, and I love being friends with people that aren't just like me. (I'd probably hate being friends with myself, anyway.) What needs to happen in situations like this is simply that you must make your expectations of one another clear, just like in a romantic relationship.



So, since this is my blog, I'm going to talk about my definition of real, true, deep friendship. First, I think I'll start by listing some of the definitions of a true friend (that have stuck with me) that I've heard/found over time.

1. Someone who accepts you for who you are, the good the bad and the ugly, and doesn't try to change you or anything.
2. Someone who knows when to shut up and when to talk, who isn't afraid to be honest with you no matter how much it hurts you, because they know it's better for you to hear the truth from them than for them to support you lying to yourself.
3. Someone you can connect with on both an emotional and an intellectual level.
4. Someone with whom distance doesn't matter; you can be apart for years and pick up right where you left off.
5. Someone you can support, and who can support you, through good and bad times.
6. Someone you can have fun with, and share your favorite activities without the pressure of deeper needs.
7. Someone who helps you to better yourself, and who you help in the same manner, without making each other feel judged or inadequate.
8. Someone with similar interests.
9. Someone you can talk to about anything.
10. Someone who is like family to you.

Why did these stick with me? What is it about them that struck a chord with me? Well, some of them, such as #'s 1 and 6, stuck with me because they make me cringe. Others, like #'s 2, 7, and 10, stayed with me because I agree with them completely. But none of them, I feel, really describe true friendship.

So how do I define a friend? Not an aquaintence, or one of those friends you kind-of-sort-of-but-not-really know, but a real, meaningful friend? I don't think it's nearly as simple as those definitions I listed made it seem. When I think of what I'm looking for out of friendship, what comes to mind is very complex. But if I had to put it into just one, simple phrase, I look for someone who, when I'm around them, I find that I like myself better. A person like that, who brings out the best in me and helps me to shape myself into the kind of person I want to be, is a true friend in my book.
 
Of course, all the superficial things like shared interests and such come to mind, but that's not what's really important on a deeper level. What is important to me is that my friend and myself constantly (conciously and unconciously) work together to become better people, even if it means pointing out one another's faults and the like. The truth hurts, but if you can't handle hearing it from your friend, then you're not really friends at all.
 
So much goes into the formation of the real, deep, meaningful bond that ties people together as "friends." Everyone seems to have their own definition of what exactly that bond entails. But there's one thing everyone agrees on: everyone needs a friend (or two....or more....), and quality is far more important than quantity.

Life (As I Live It)

I have redefined myself so many times in the 23 years I've been alive. I started as a fun-loving little girl who loved horses, dresses, and anything Disney. I grew into a pre-teen with a dream and a lot of activities on my plate. Then I became a goal-oriented teenager with a lot of responsibilities, a busy life, and a big problem with procrastination. After that, my life slid into the fast lane, and I've never looked back. I went away to college, met my true love, quit school and got my own apartment and started living "real life" in preparation for marriage, got married, and, 17 months after my wedding, I became a parent.




So, how do I define myself now? Answering that question isn't as easy now as it might have been a few years ago. I am a great many things, but I'm not sure if I could put it so simply anymore.



I am a wife. I am a (working) mother. I am a Christian. I am a performer. I am a teacher. I am a bookworm. I am a seamstress. I am a barista. I am a gamer. I am a writer. I am a housekeeper. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend.



How do I put all that together in such a way that others can understand me, without me having to spell it all out?



Ah. I think I know.



I am HAPPY.



That one word says it all. I don't have to say any more when people ask me to describe myself, because none of the things on that list define me. My life does not define me. It does, however, make me very, very happy.



So who am I? What am I? How do I define myself and my life? I'm happy. Not enough information for you? Want to know more? Ask me why I am what I am. Ask me why I'm happy. That's the real story.