I did it! I had a safe, successful home birth!
The short version is that I started experiencing real, very painful contractions that were coming about 2 minutes apart at 7:30pm, on the day I was 41 weeks along exactly. Labor progressed VERY quickly, and after around 40-45 minutes of pushing (I can't remember exactly), my son was born at 11:05pm. I had a seriously intense, fast 3.5 hour labor, and a 7lb 15oz, healthy little boy to cuddle afterwards! It could not have gone more smoothly.
Now for the long version.
I had gone in for a biophysical profile that morning to check on Baby, as I was a week past my due date and we needed to be sure he was still thriving in there. He was, thankfully! Perfect score on the BPP, so I went on to see my midwife for a checkup and to talk about how we wanted to proceed in this long pregnancy. She offered to strip my membranes if I wanted it, but my husband and I had decided before the appointment that if everything looked good on the BPP, we didn't feel the need to intervene like that, so I refused. We did discuss pumping for nipple stimulation and drinking red raspberry leaf tea to encourage the contractions I'd been having, but we knew none of that would work if my body wasn't ready for labor anyway. She cleared me to do any of the "natural, at-home" labor-encouraging remedies that I wanted, but I didn't want do anything too extreme (like castor oil) until I was closer to 42 weeks.
During my exam (just fundal measurements and such, no need for a pelvic), both my midwives commented that my belly was very, very low, I was only measuring at 38 weeks instead of 41, and Baby's heartbeat had slowed a little bit compared to previous visits (which is something that both of his sisters did just before labor). We scheduled my 42-week appointment just in case, but my midwife laughingly said, "I'll see you tonight," when we said goodbye. We all really thought he was coming soon.
Well, she was EXACTLY right.
I went home, had dinner with my husband and kids, and decided to pump a little. I did it for about 10 minutes, and even managed to express some colostrum! I started having some mild contractions, but they weren't consistent. My best friend brought me some of the red raspberry leaf tea, and my husband made me a strong mug of it. I drank it, knowing it wouldn't send me into labor if it wasn't really time, but hoping it might encourage those contractions I was already having. At 7:30 my husband put the girls to bed and I decided to pump again. Within seconds I had a HUGE contraction. I thought it might be a fluke, so I let the pump keep going. 90 seconds later there was another, even stronger, contraction, and it took my breath away. Trying not to get my hopes up, I left the pump on. 2 minutes after that contraction, was another. And then another. They were averaging 1.5-2 minutes apart. I shut off the pump and got on my hands and knees on the couch for comfort and began timing them. By 8:00 I was moaning through them and convinced it was real labor. I texted my mom, and we all quickly decided it was best for her and my dad to come get the girls asap so I didn't have to worry about waking them with all the noise that was about to start happening.
At 8:30 I texted my midwife (and friend) who lives further away and let her know what was going on, and she started heading up immediately. 10 minutes later my husband called my (head) midwife to let her know we needed her, because I was on my knees and rocking my hips and moaning through almost constant contractions. Since my last birth was only 4 hours start to finish, everyone knew that they needed to move quickly once this one got going.
Assured that everyone was on their way and I could just do my thing, I went to the bedroom and changed into my "labor outfit" (bikini top and loose, stretchy black knee-length skirt), and began stripping the blankets and good sheets off the bed. I had layered plastic and old sheets on my bed weeks ago, so that all we had to do was peel off layers as needed during/after the birth. Once that was done, I went into the girls' room, where my best friend was sitting and talking to my oldest to keep her occupied. #2 was still sleeping, in spite of all efforts to wake her. I talked to #1 about what was happening, explaining that her baby brother was about to be born, and her grandparents were coming to get her and her sister so they could sleep somewhere quiet that night. I had several contractions while talking to her, but making funny "horse lips" noises and such made us both laugh, and she actually helped me get through them easily without her getting scared. I don't think she even knew I was in pain.
While waiting for everyone to get there, I alternately labored on my bed on my hands and knees, and walked around the house. My husband was in the kitchen making my "labor-aide" (an electrolyte drink to keep me hydrated), so I went to check on him at one point, standing in the doorway and swaying/groaning through the insane contractions. Suddenly I felt my dinner in my throat, and rushed to the bathroom to throw up. It wasn't too bad, and it actually distracted me from the pain pretty well for a few minutes. I rinsed out my mouth and went back to the bedroom to labor alone some more.
My parents arrived to pick up the girls, and I made sure to give them both a squeeze and a kiss before they left. #1 skipped away happily, and #2 was barely even conscious enough to register that she wasn't in bed anymore, but I knew I needed those last little cuddles before adding to my brood. I didn't even see my parents, as my husband knew from the sounds I was making that it wasn't going to be long before Baby came and was almost rushing them out the door. Once they were gone, I got into the shower. I settled on my knees, leaning on the edge of the tub with the curtain pulled aside, warm water running on my back and hips. It helped so much, but I needed my puke bowl nearby, and the contractions were impossible to keep silent through and were coming almost on top of each other.
This is where things start getting fuzzy and time no longer exists to me. This is when I was officially in transition (though I didn't know it), and it all went into high gear. My head midwife (call her B) got there and checked in on me, and started getting her things all set up rather quickly when she heard my labor noises. I told her that this was just like the dream I'd had not long ago about delivering the baby myself in the shower, and she hurried a little more, I think. Then my midwife/friend (call her K) arrived, and when she sat on the toilet opposite the shower and gently touched my arm to let me know she was there, I instantly felt a sense of peace and the pain lessened during that contraction. She used the waterproof monitor to check Baby's heartbeat (which they did regularly throughout my labor after that), and suggested making me more comfortable by bringing my yoga ball into the shower for me to lean forward on, since leaning on the edge like I was had me slightly twisted to the side. My husband got the ball and when I leaned on it, everything felt SO much better, and I relaxed more. I know at some point my third midwife (call her C) got there, but I don't know when. Like I said, it's all pretty fuzzy because it was SO fast and SO intense.
And then it intensified again. I couldn't control my vocalizing, and it was starting to get high-pitched and making me tense up. My midwives calmly reminded me to keep my noises low and try to breathe instead of yell, but I don't think my brain was in a place to process instructions. I think they knew I was close to pushing, because they insisted I get out of the shower so they could check me. I did NOT want to get out or be checked, because the shower was comfy and isolated and I was convinced they'd check and I'd only be 4-5cm and I'd get depressed that I still had a long way to go. But with some coaxing, they got me out. My husband helped dry me (okay, he pretty much just did it), and led me out of the bathroom. I stopped him during a contraction and told him I was dying from the pain and couldn't do it anymore, but he reassured me that I WAS doing it and it would be over soon. I think I growled at him.
As I sat crookedly on the edge of the bed, K checked me (after I jokingly asked her if she was ready to be REALLY good friends), but she wasn't sure of the measurement. So B checked, and they told me I was complete, with just a little anterior cervical lip and a bulging bag of waters. I'm pretty sure I started crying, and I asked, "really?" because I was so relieved. It was almost over!
Now it all gets even fuzzier to me. I think we were waiting for my body to have the natural urge to push, and they wanted me on my side so they could support my perineum against tearing (my main goal in this birth, besides a healthy mom and baby, was to not tear, or at least tear as little as possible), while still allowing my pelvis to open as fully as possible. I didn't want to be on my side. It made my hip hurt to hold my leg up, even with support, and my muscles kept freezing up with every contraction to the point where I couldn't move at all. I kept saying, "I can't," and I think they thought I meant I couldn't go through the labor, but what I really meant was, "I am physically unable to because my body isn't responding to my commands." They listened to me and helped me into my position of choice (hands and knees), and that's when the pushing urge hit. I was outright screaming at that point, because, well, OW!! I think that epidural I had in my second birth, which I thought didn't work, maybe worked better than I thought it did, because WOW, I've never felt anything like that before!
I started tensing and pulling up and "away" from the pressure, instead of bearing down effectively. They tried to get me to go with it and let myself push, and I know both K and B tried to help me at different points by pushing aside that little cervical lip during a contraction to get it over Baby's head, but I just couldn't make myself do it for some reason. I was crying between contraction peaks (there was no break between contractions anymore, just the dips in between the peaks) and begging for it to be over, and my brain had gone fully into "fight or flight" mode, choosing a very frantic flight over any kind of reasonable fight.
Finally B laid it out for me. She said we could keep doing it my way if that was what I wanted. It was my birth, after all, and I made the final call, but my way was going to hurt more, take longer, and make it more likely that I would tear. Or, I could get on my side like they suggested, and they could support me better and I could push effectively and get it over with faster, and maybe not tear at all.
Well, I didn't like that one bit in the moment. I didn't want to be told what to do. I wanted to do my own thing and damn what anyone else said. But then my reasonable brain kicked in, and I remembered that I had told B during my pregnancy that I wanted to listen to her expertise during labor, and that if what I was doing was going to prolong labor or make me tear, that I wanted her to tell me and get me to move. She was doing exactly what I had asked of her, and I knew deep down that she was right. I think I mentally checked out for a couple contractions, because I remember getting really quiet, and my husband asked, "are you still with us?" Then I decided it was time to face the pain head-on, and asked them to help me get on my side. I think I growled some more at this point, and grumbled, "FINE," before I asked to be moved.
Ouch. All I can say is OUCH. Things hit a whole new level once I moved. My water finally broke, I couldn't pull away from the pressure so easily while on my side, and Baby's head was making a quick descent. I remember pulling away from everyone's support at one point and gasping, "this is terrifying!" I was giving in to the fear that humans naturally have of pain. After all, pain usually means something is wrong, right? But birth is different. I needed to switch gears mentally into accepting and pushing through the pain instead of fighting it and/or trying to escape it, and my midwives helped me do that through breathing exercises and reminders that the only way out of it was to push Baby out. I said multiple times, "this is BAD," and it worried B a bit I think, but all I meant was that the burning of my body stretching around Baby's head was more than I'd expected.
I flickered in and out of control of myself. I controlled my breathing and pushed effectively for a few contractions, and then I'd lose it and freak out for a few and try pulling away again. K always managed to bring me back down by making eye contact and demonstrating breathing and reminding me to take all that energy I was using to yell and internalize it and use it to push my baby out. B got a mirror and let me see my progress once Baby was close to crowning. I saw the top of his head, saw how much it moved when I pushed through a contraction, and it gave me some strength to keep it up.
Once he began to crown, though, I got a little frantic again. That ring of fire is no joke!! My logical brain got mad at my panicky self, and suddenly the pain was easier to deal with. I realized that I needed to get angry. Everyone tells you to relax and be calm and work with your body and breathe your baby out, and maybe that's true for some, but it wasn't for me. I needed to get angry at the pain, angry at myself for being a wimp, angry at SOMETHING, because when I was angry it didn't hurt as much and I was able to bear down hard. Anger gave me something to fight against other than myself, and I stopped thinking so much about the pain.
Suddenly I was making major progress. B, K, and C were cheering me on, my husband was telling me he could see Baby's head and that I was doing so well, and I could feel the energy in the room intensifying. They used oil and counterpressure to support my perineum while I pushed, and it felt SO good. When Baby had fully crowned, I suddenly had a lull in contractions and no urge to push. They told me I couldn't let Baby stay like that long and that I'd need to push soon, no matter what. I got a little worried, but it was only a minute or two before I was suddenly bearing down with everything I had. I didn't even feel it when his head came out, and everyone was suddenly telling me to stop pushing (they needed to be sure his shoulders came out properly, as he was in a posterior position and might get stuck if he twisted at the wrong time). But Baby had his own ideas, and K had to hurriedly catch him, with my husband's assistance, as he turned his shoulders just right on his own and slid out of me without another push.
They laid him on my stomach immediately. He yelled as he came out, but quieted down pretty quickly when he was covered with a towel and snuggled against me. I tried to pull him up higher onto my chest, but he had a short enough cord that I couldn't, so on my belly he stayed. I cuddled him and marveled at him and kissed his daddy; it was bliss. His immediate APGAR score was perfect; he came out pink from the top of his head to the tips of his fingers and toes, and his lungs were obviously working just fine.
I was busy snuggling him when I apparently had a huge gush of blood, and my midwives sprang into action at the sight of a possible hemorrhage. C gave me a shot of pitocin in my thigh to help my uterus clamp down properly (all the while apologizing about the pain of the shot, but I didn't feel a thing), B started massaging my belly for the same purpose, and K (I think) helped my husband cut the cord quickly and transferred Baby to daddy's arms in case I got weak or passed out. They kept asking me if I felt dizzy or anything, but I felt fine!
The bleeding slowed to a normal post-birth amount quickly. It seems it was just a gush with a contraction, so we relaxed and waited for the placenta to be delivered. It took a little while, but I pushed it out easily with a contraction and (this may sound weird but it's SO true) it felt SO GOOD.
Everything after this is a blur. I don't remember what happened in what order. I remember that I laid on my side and snuggled Baby, but can't recall if they got me up to use the bathroom before or after we cuddled and had our first nursing. I do know that at some point the sheets got changed, the bathroom got cleaned up, I walked to the bathroom on my own but attended by K, I had something to drink, and my husband and I laid down in bed with Baby to bond while my midwives went out into the living room and charted everything that had happened.
We were alone for quite a while, barring the occasional check from a midwife. After a couple hours, it was time for the newborn exam. Baby was checked over, weighed, measured, etc., and pronounced perfect at 7lbs 15oz and 22in long. B checked me to see if I'd had any tearing, and found a TINY tear right at my scar line from the previous tears. She gave me a choice because it was so small: she could put 2 tiny stitches in it, or I could just commit to taking it SUPER easy and keeping my legs closed for a week or so and allow it to close on its own. Since my husband had 2 weeks of paid paternity leave to use and I'd be able to take it easy, I opted for no stitches.
After the newborn exam and my checkup, we were tucked into bed to rest, and my midwife team left, saying they'd be in touch to make plans to come check on us in a day or two.
It's been almost 2 weeks now. I'm recovering really well! I'm still kind of in shock that I did it. I actually did it! I had an all-natural birth at home. No pain meds, nothing. It's exhilarating! The first 24 hours were super rough thanks to afterpains and severe nausea/vomiting (normal for me after birth), and those pains plagued me for a few days, but it went away and I'm much better. Those pains get worse after each baby, so these were the worst I've had yet! Worth it, though, absolutely.
All in all, it was AMAZING. It was the worst pain I've ever felt, the most out-of-control I've ever been, and also the highest high I've ever experienced. I'm kind of glad that this was our last baby, as that level of intensity, pressure, and pain is something I would need to really mentally prepare myself to go through again, but even so I wouldn't change anything and would do it again in a heartbeat if another pregnancy happened. I cannot imagine giving birth anywhere else but in my home, or with anyone but my midwife team.
