Okay, so here goes. I'm making a few choices when it comes to my birth and my son that many might find...controversial. I've researched them thoroughly and I'm absolutely certain of myself, but I know I might face some (or a lot of) backlash from people who either disagree or are simply blinded by cultural conditioning and haven't actually researched.
The first choice is about my pregnancy and birth: I'm planning a home birth with a midwife. I'm fully expecting to get responses like, "But what it something goes wrong?" or, "Do you WANT to die?" or "How selfish of you to risk your/your baby's life!" and so on. And I have answers for ALL of those statements/questions and more.
It can be summed up pretty simply; science is in favor of home birth for healthy, low-risk women having healthy, low-risk babies. (And that's only one study. There are many, many more. I address that in one of my points in this blog post.) My son and I fit into that category. The likelihood of any complications whatsoever in a normal birth is minuscule, especially for me since I already have two healthy, uncomplicated vaginal births under my belt. Beyond that, within that minuscule likelihood of complications, the chances of those complications being life-threatening are tiny. And, the chances that there wouldn't be enough warning before things became dangerous to give us time to call an ambulance and/or get to the hospital are even smaller. Additionally, midwives, whether CNM or CPM, come with oxygen and pitocin (only to stop hemorrhaging, not to induce or augment labor) and other medications to prevent and treat problems, and the knowledge of how to spot red flags and to handle emergencies. Given that the c-section and induction rates in America are 1 in 3, the vast majority of births these days take place in hospitals, and America ranks last among developed countries in maternal/fetal outcomes, giving birth in the hospital really doesn't seem like the safest choice for someone like me.
So, why is it that I'm choosing a home birth? Besides the fact that it's scientifically proven to be just as safe as (if not safer than) a hospital birth for a mom like me?
I want a natural, relaxed childbirth where I am in comfortable and in control. The best way to make that happen is to hire a midwife I "click" with and build a relationship with her, and give birth in my home rather than leaving. I want to eat and drink in labor if I feel like it. I want to be able to get in the shower or bath, or walk around, or sit on my ball, or lean on a wall, or lie in bed, whatever my body needs at the time! I want all the unnecessary rules and restrictions (iv, continuous monitoring, staying in bed, pushing on my back, staying in my room, having to bring things like a ball if I want them, not having access to food and drink, limited access to water, bright lights, nurses coming in and out of the room and "checking" me, etc.) out of the picture. I'm very primal when I give birth, and I prefer to be left alone in a dark and quiet space (preferably my shower), and hospitals just don't offer that. Evidence supports "allowing" women to follow their instincts, whatever they may be, to facilitate a physiological labor, and most hospitals just don't follow the current evidence.
Then there's the fact that my last labor was only 4 hours long, and likely would have been faster if I had stayed at home. My contractions stalled when I got in the car to head to the hospital, I couldn't relax and instead tensed against them (making the pain worse) in the ER and L&D triage, so I panicked and requested an epidural (which never worked anyway), and then when everyone left the room I relaxed and dilated completely and my body naturally began to push. What if those 2 hours I spent in transit and getting checked into the hospital hadn't happened? What if I had stayed home instead, standing in my shower and swaying through contractions like I wanted to? What if, there in my comfort zone, I had relaxed fully and allowed my body to dilate as it wanted, uninterrupted? My labor may have only been 2 hours long, not 4. My daughter might have turned from posterior to anterior position, I might have been able to push in a better position than on my side in bed (at least I wasn't on my back), and I might not have torn at all. So many things could have been more like what I wanted.
Along with the fact that my labor might be faster and easier for me at home, there's also the concern that I won't make it to the hospital in time. This is my third baby, and with such a short labor last time, it's pretty likely that this one could come even more quickly. I would much rather prepare for a home birth and have all the knowledge and supplies on hand and end up with an accidental unassisted birth (if the midwife can't get here fast enough), than to plan a birth outside my house, have no birth supplies on hand, and either give birth at home by accident or have my baby in the car on the way somewhere! Plus, my husband would really like to help catch this baby, which is not something that's usually supported in hospitals. Our midwife, however, will happily step back and let him catch once baby's head is out (she wants to support my perineum to reduce the likelihood of tearing), and she's even going to talk to him about how to deliver in case she doesn't get here in time, and how to handle things like a nuchal cord. Definitely not something we'd get in a hospital birth.
Another reason is that I want to recover my own way, in my home. I hated staying in the hospital after birth. I hated that my baby had to leave me and go to the nursery, even if it wasn't for long. I hated that I had to put her in the little plastic bassinet in order to walk the halls with her, instead of carrying her like I wanted. I hated the nurses telling me I couldn't sleep with my baby on my chest (the only way she would sleep). I hated being woken to have my vitals checked every 2 hours, when I was fine. I hated the mandatory iv. I hated the smell, the artificial lights, the dry air, the uncomfortable bed, the food, the rules...none of it felt right, and none of it was necessary. I want to give birth, bond with my baby as long as I want before newborn exams happen, to have the newborn exams happen right in front of me, to take a shower in MY bathroom, to eat if I feel like it, and to settle into my own bed to nurse and cosleep with my newborn, with my husband and daughters right there with me. No beeping monitors, no restrictions on visitors, no uncomfortable pullout couch for my husband, no nurses poking at us all the time, no hospital food, no lengthy checkout process, no driving home with a newborn who should be cuddling and bonding with me, nothing that I don't want. Again, that's not going to happen in a hospital.
After doing all my research, and spending the first half of my pregnancy planning to birth in a freestanding birth center, I realized I was stressed and unhappy because it wasn't going to be a home birth. I was worried about making it to the birth center in time. My care felt very clinical and just like hospital-based care, not at all the relaxed, personalized care I wanted. I didn't like the labor tubs. I didn't like that I'd have to bring my own food. I didn't like that I'd have to leave around 6 hours after birth with a brand-new baby, without really resting and bonding with my baby like I should be at that point. I. Just. Wasn't. Happy. I finally did what I advise other moms to do do all the time when they aren't happy with their care: I switched providers. I found a home birth midwife (and a very dear friend of mine is one of her assistants!!) that I adore, and suddenly my blood pressure is back to normal, I'm excited about this birth, and I'm enjoying what might be my last pregnancy. I'm happy. My husband is relieved and happy, too, and we're so looking forward to meeting our son for the first time in our own home.
This brings me to my second controversial choice, which involves my son: we will not be circumcising him. I've already made my feelings on this subject clear in my previous post on this blog. Unless it becomes an indisputable medical necessity, no part of my son's body will be amputated, thank you very much. Again, I fully expect backlash in the form of inaccurate and outdated reasons for circumcising (cleanliness, infection, std's, cancer, etc.), and plenty of responses borne from cultural conditioning (it looks like an anteater, women won't want to be with him, it's icky, etc.), but I've done my research and I know that infant circumcision is completely unnecessary, and unethical to boot. It doesn't fall into the realm of "parental choice," anyway, for many reasons. Again, I've already blogged about this, so check that out if you want to know more about my reasoning. It will not be happening to my son, unless he needs or wants it done someday.
Well, there you have it. I'm a future home birther who will be keeping her son intact. I really don't care if anyone disagrees, because these weren't decisions made lightly. I know what I'm talking about, I've done years' worth of research on both subjects, and I'm confident in my (and my husband's) scientifically validated choices. I'm happy to answer any questions and talk about my choices, as always. :-)
