I have heard people say that some women (usually those who went into labor spontaneously before their due date and had successful vaginal deliveries) have "no right to complain" about anything concerning their births, because it "could have been so much worse."
What?!
First of all, no birth is "easy." There are ups and downs to every single kind of birth, and it's amazingly rare to find a woman who doesn't regret something about her experience, however trivial it might seem. I've heard stories of labors that lasted an hour or less, and even though that meant their ordeal was over quickly, it was all so chaotic and crazy that the mom didn't have time to cope or even register what was happening before it was done. That can be very hectic and traumatic. There are some labors that last just long enough that the mom gets pain relief, only to find that it's time to push and she didn't need it after all (like me with my second birth). Some women are induced and everything goes smoothly, but it still wasn't the "natural" birth they wanted. Some moms have completely natural, unmedicated labors that last for a day or more, and look back wishing they had accepted pain meds or something to make their experience less exhausting and overwhelming.
Simply having their desired vaginal birth doesn't mean that it wasn't hard, or that everything went according to their plan, or that everything was smooth, or that there's nothing they would change about it. Just because another mom had a long labor that ended up in an emergency c-section doesn't make another mom's experiences less valid.
Just as I think it's wrong for advocates of all things natural to scoff at c-section mothers, so do I think it's wrong for those who had difficult, traumatizing birth experiences to tell those of us who had it "easier" that our experiences "weren't that bad" and we have no room to complain. All a person can really know is what they themselves have been through, and the fact that there's someone out there who has had it worse doesn't invalidate their experiences. There are many things that I regret about my daughters' births, and I struggle with that daily. It's making me reconsider my choices, and think of different methods of birth.
Yes, I had two successful vaginal deliveries. I'm grateful. I know it "could have been worse." But the thing is, birth isn't a competition. That mentality is so destructive. My experiences have nothing to do with anyone else's. They are my own, and I can feel about them however I want, because they are all I know and have to truly compare with. The same goes for every mom.
So don't tell me I don't have anything to complain about. Because that's just you projecting your regrets, trauma, and issues on me. I'm glad to listen, of course, but I won't get into a "my horse is bigger than your horse" kind of competition with you. I will never compare my birth experiences with anyone else's in that way, and I won't allow anyone to do it to me.
